50F Newly Divorced Guide To Exploring Sex As Pleasure Advice

Hey everyone! Navigating life after divorce, especially when it involves exploring uncharted territories like sexual pleasure, can feel both exciting and daunting. If you're a 50-year-old woman who's newly divorced and looking to understand and experience sex as a source of personal pleasure, you've come to the right place. This is a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and embracing your sensuality. Let’s dive into some helpful advice and guidance to make this exploration fulfilling and enjoyable.

Understanding Your Body and Desires

The first step in exploring sex as pleasure is understanding your own body and desires. This involves getting to know what feels good to you, what turns you on, and what your boundaries are. Remember, this is your journey, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. Take the time to connect with yourself intimately and discover your unique sensuality.

Self-Exploration and Masturbation

Self-exploration, particularly through masturbation, is a fantastic way to start. It allows you to experiment without any pressure or judgment. You can explore different types of touch, rhythm, and areas of your body to see what brings you pleasure. Don’t feel rushed; take your time and enjoy the process. Masturbation isn't just about physical release; it’s about connecting with your body and understanding your responses. It’s like learning a new language – the language of your own pleasure.

• Experiment with different techniques: Try varying the pressure, speed, and location of touch. You might find that a light touch on one area feels amazing, while a firmer touch is more pleasurable in another spot. Use your fingers, a vibrator, or other toys to discover what works best for you. Remember, there are no rules here – it’s all about what feels good to you.
• Use lubrication: As we age, our bodies produce less natural lubrication. Using a good quality lubricant can make self-exploration more comfortable and enjoyable. There are many options available, including water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based lubricants. Experiment to find the one that suits you best.
• Create a relaxing environment: Set the mood by dimming the lights, lighting candles, playing some soothing music, or using aromatherapy. A relaxed environment can help you feel more comfortable and open to experiencing pleasure. Think of it as creating a personal spa experience, dedicated to your self-discovery and pleasure.

Educate Yourself

There’s a wealth of information available about female sexuality and pleasure. Reading books, articles, and blogs, or listening to podcasts can provide valuable insights and tips. Understanding the anatomy of female pleasure and the role of different erogenous zones can enhance your exploration. Knowledge is power, and the more you understand about your body and sexuality, the more confident and empowered you'll feel.

• Explore resources online and in libraries: There are countless resources available, from books and articles to videos and podcasts. Look for reputable sources that offer accurate and informative content about female sexuality. Some great authors and educators to consider include Betty Dodson, Emily Nagoski, and Carol Queen. Don’t hesitate to dive deep and explore various perspectives and insights.
• Join online communities and forums: Connecting with other women who are also exploring their sexuality can be incredibly helpful. Online communities and forums provide a safe space to ask questions, share experiences, and learn from others. Knowing that you’re not alone in this journey can be very reassuring. Look for communities that are inclusive, supportive, and focused on positive sexual exploration.
• Consider attending workshops or seminars: If you're looking for a more hands-on learning experience, consider attending workshops or seminars on female sexuality. These events often provide valuable information and practical exercises that can help you connect with your body and explore your desires. Plus, they offer an opportunity to meet and connect with like-minded individuals.

Addressing Emotional and Psychological Barriers

For many women, especially after a divorce or a long period of not prioritizing their own pleasure, there can be emotional and psychological barriers to overcome. It’s important to address these barriers to fully embrace your sexuality and experience pleasure. This might involve therapy, self-reflection, or simply giving yourself permission to enjoy yourself.

Therapy and Counseling

If you’re struggling with emotional or psychological barriers, therapy or counseling can be incredibly helpful. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings, address any past traumas, and develop strategies for overcoming these barriers. Talking to a professional can help you gain clarity, build confidence, and create a positive relationship with your sexuality.

• Find a therapist specializing in sexuality: Look for a therapist who specializes in sex therapy or has experience working with women on issues related to sexuality and pleasure. They will have the knowledge and expertise to help you navigate your specific concerns and challenges. A good therapist will create a comfortable and non-judgmental environment where you can explore your feelings openly and honestly.
• Consider individual or couples therapy: Depending on your needs and circumstances, you might benefit from individual therapy or couples therapy (if you’re in a new relationship). Individual therapy can help you address your personal barriers and develop a stronger sense of self, while couples therapy can help you communicate your desires and needs within a relationship. Both options can be valuable in different ways.
• Be patient and persistent: Therapy is a process, and it may take time to see results. Be patient with yourself and the process, and keep showing up and doing the work. Over time, you’ll likely find that you’re making progress and developing a healthier relationship with your sexuality. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Self-Reflection and Journaling

Self-reflection is another powerful tool for understanding and addressing emotional barriers. Taking the time to think about your feelings, beliefs, and experiences can provide valuable insights and help you identify patterns or beliefs that may be holding you back. Journaling can be a helpful way to process your thoughts and emotions and gain clarity about your desires and needs.

• Set aside dedicated time for self-reflection: Make time in your schedule for regular self-reflection. This could be a few minutes each day or a longer session once a week. Find a quiet space where you can relax and focus on your thoughts and feelings. You might want to light a candle, play some music, or sit in nature to create a peaceful atmosphere.
• Use journaling prompts to guide your reflections: If you’re not sure where to start, try using journaling prompts to guide your reflections. Prompts like “What are my beliefs about sex and pleasure?” or “What are my fears or anxieties about exploring my sexuality?” can help you delve deeper into your thoughts and feelings. There are many resources online that offer journaling prompts specifically designed for exploring sexuality and self-discovery.
• Be honest and non-judgmental with yourself: The key to effective self-reflection is honesty. Be open and honest with yourself about your thoughts and feelings, even if they’re uncomfortable or difficult. Avoid judging yourself or your experiences. Remember, this is a safe space for you to explore and understand yourself better. The goal is to foster self-compassion and acceptance as you navigate your journey.

Give Yourself Permission

Perhaps the most important step in overcoming emotional barriers is giving yourself permission to enjoy pleasure. Many women have been socialized to prioritize others’ needs and desires over their own, which can make it difficult to embrace their own pleasure. Remind yourself that you deserve to experience pleasure, and that it’s a healthy and natural part of being human. Let go of any guilt or shame you may feel, and allow yourself to explore and enjoy your sexuality.

• Challenge limiting beliefs and negative self-talk: Pay attention to any negative thoughts or beliefs you have about sex and pleasure. These might be messages you’ve internalized from society, your upbringing, or past experiences. Challenge these beliefs and replace them with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that you deserve to experience pleasure, and that there’s nothing wrong with wanting it.
• Practice self-compassion and self-care: Be kind and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Engage in self-care activities that nourish your body and soul, such as taking a relaxing bath, getting a massage, or spending time in nature. When you prioritize your well-being, you create space for pleasure to flourish.
• Celebrate your successes and progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem. Each step you take towards exploring your sexuality and embracing pleasure is a victory. Recognize your progress and give yourself credit for the effort you’re putting in. Celebrating your successes will help you build confidence and momentum as you continue on your journey.

Exploring with a Partner (If and When You're Ready)

If and when you feel ready, exploring sex with a partner can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience. However, it’s important to approach this with open communication, clear boundaries, and a focus on mutual pleasure. Remember, you have the right to express your desires and needs, and to say no to anything that doesn’t feel right for you.

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is essential for a satisfying sexual relationship. Talk to your partner about your desires, fantasies, and boundaries. Share what you’ve learned about your body and what feels good to you. Encourage your partner to share their desires and needs as well. Communication is the foundation of intimacy, and it’s the key to creating a mutually pleasurable experience.

• Create a safe and non-judgmental space for communication: Make sure you and your partner feel comfortable and safe sharing your thoughts and feelings. Choose a time and place where you can talk openly and honestly without distractions. Listen to each other with empathy and respect, and avoid judging or criticizing each other’s desires.
• Use “I” statements to express your needs and desires: When communicating your needs and desires, use “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid blaming or criticizing your partner. For example, instead of saying “You never do what I want,” try saying “I feel frustrated when my needs aren’t met.” This helps you communicate your feelings in a clear and respectful way.
• Check in with each other regularly: Communication isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process. Check in with each other regularly to discuss how things are going and address any concerns or issues that may arise. This will help you maintain a strong and healthy sexual relationship over time.

Set Clear Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is crucial for ensuring your comfort and safety in any sexual encounter. Know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not, and communicate your boundaries to your partner. It’s okay to say no, and your partner should respect your boundaries. Remember, consent is essential, and it should be freely given, enthusiastic, and ongoing. You have the right to change your mind at any time.

• Reflect on your boundaries before engaging in sexual activity: Take some time to think about your boundaries before you get intimate with a partner. What are you comfortable with? What are you not comfortable with? What are your deal-breakers? Knowing your boundaries will help you communicate them clearly and confidently.
• Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively: Don’t be afraid to communicate your boundaries to your partner. Be clear and assertive about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. You can say something like “I’m not comfortable with X” or “I’d prefer to do Y instead.” Your partner should respect your boundaries and not pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do.
• Practice enthusiastic consent: Consent should be freely given, enthusiastic, and ongoing. It’s not enough for your partner to simply not say no; they need to actively and enthusiastically say yes. Check in with each other throughout the sexual encounter to make sure you’re both still comfortable and enjoying yourselves. You have the right to change your mind at any time, and your partner should respect that.

Focus on Mutual Pleasure

Sex should be a mutually pleasurable experience for both partners. Focus on exploring each other’s bodies and discovering what feels good to both of you. Experiment with different types of touch, positions, and activities. Don’t be afraid to try new things and step outside your comfort zone. And remember, pleasure isn’t just about orgasm; it’s about the entire experience of intimacy and connection.

• Explore each other’s bodies and erogenous zones: Take the time to explore each other’s bodies and discover what feels good. Pay attention to your partner’s responses and learn what turns them on. Don’t just focus on the genitals; explore other erogenous zones, such as the neck, ears, back, and inner thighs. Variety and experimentation can add excitement and pleasure to your sexual experiences.
• Experiment with different positions and activities: Try different positions and activities to discover what works best for you and your partner. Some positions may be more comfortable or pleasurable than others. Don’t be afraid to get creative and try new things. You might discover a new favorite position or activity that you both enjoy.
• Remember that pleasure is about the journey, not just the destination: Focus on enjoying the entire experience of intimacy and connection, not just the orgasm. Foreplay, cuddling, and spending quality time together can be just as pleasurable as the sexual act itself. Savor the moments of intimacy and connection, and don’t put too much pressure on yourselves to achieve orgasm. Pleasure is about the journey, not just the destination.

Conclusion

Exploring sex as pleasure after divorce is a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and embracing your sensuality. By understanding your body and desires, addressing emotional barriers, and communicating openly with a partner (if and when you’re ready), you can create a fulfilling and enjoyable sexual life. Remember to be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and enjoy the process of exploring your sexuality. You deserve to experience pleasure, and this is your time to embrace it!